week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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