Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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