her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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