last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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