just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
