I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
