You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
