I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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