the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
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