he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
