I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
