I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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