This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
