I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
