Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Everclear isn't food dammit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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