you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
