My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
