i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
