I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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