I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
