Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
