I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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