so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
