Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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