remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
