my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My dick has a subreddit
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
