Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
