I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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