just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
