I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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