did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
