Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
