Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
