If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
