I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
