you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
