I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
