Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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