When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
