I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
