I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
