True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
