i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
God, I missed his penis.
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