i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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