addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
