I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
vagina is talking i cant
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
