he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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