Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think pants incapable of making pants work
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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