There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
