theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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