he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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