if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
