when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
