I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
