I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize