Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
