well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
