I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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