your room smells of hookers.
And success
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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