I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
