It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
