This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
