What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
