Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
