Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
