So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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