Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
