I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
