you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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