Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
