Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
