You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
