I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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