girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize