i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
