the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
