ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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