I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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